100 things you should Never do at hogwarts
by Miss Funnel Cake
Summary: Title says it all.


**Sadly, i do not own Harry Potter, wouldn't it be awesome if i did?**

100 Things you should NEVER do at Hogwarts

1.I will not call Professor Dumbledore Santa

2.–even if it is Christmas

3.I will not blow up a corridor with fireworks just to see which brand is better, Dr. Filibusters or, muggle brand

4.I will not ask Professor Lupin if he knows Wolverine

5.–or Jacob Black

6.I will not chase Professor Snape with shampoo bottles

7.I will not refer Harry and Ron as "Batman and Robin"

8.I will not yell at Ginny, her love life is none of my business

9.–neither is it Ron's, Fred's, George's, Bill's, Charlie's, Percy's, Harry's, Hermione's, or Voldemort's.

10.I will not replace Ron's broom with a log and a flying charm on it

11.I will not send Lord Voldemort sun tan oil because he looks so pale

12.I will not ask Professor Qurriel if the vampires he met were the Cullen's

will I send the Cullen's sun tan oil

14.I will not tell the first years I am the next dark lord

15.I will not throw Scabbers across the Great Hall shouting. "GO PIKACHU!"

16. Lupin does not care if he is better than sparkly vampires

17.I will not try to convince everyone that Professor Flitwick is master Yoda

18.I will not use a summoning charm, then tell the first years I used "The force"

19.I will not sell Hagrid on eBay.

20.–even if I have over 300 bids

21.I will not attempt to kidnap Dumbledore to see if his beard is fake

22.–or for any other reason.

23.I will not summon Rebecca Black to see if she looks like Snape

24.I will not teach Dumbledore how to Dougie.

25.I will not sign Professor McGonagall up for online dating

26.I will not attack Draco Malfoy with Justin Bieber's singing, nobody deserves that, not even Malfoy

27.I will not shrink everyone, and then chase them with a vacuum

28.I will not invite Lord Voldemort to the chamber of secrets to play Call of Duty

29.I will also not invite him to a Selena Gomez concert, a soccer game, or my school play

30.I will definitely not start a book club with him, even if he likes the same books as me

31.I will not set Professor Snape up for a blind date, then say "If she knew who he was she wouldn't come"

32.I will not take my wand, hold it up, and shout "YOU'LL NEVER WIN THIS FIGHT, VOLDEMORT!" to every bald man I see

33.I will use Nagini as my show and tell

34.I will not invite Willow Smith to teach me how to whip my hair

35.I will not wonder why Lord Voldemort has so many names if he should not be named for example: The Dark Lord, Tom Riddle, You know who, Lord Voldemort, and He Who should not be named

36.I will not suddenly break out into song and say "this is how they do it in high school musical"

37.I will not start a sword fight at breakfast in the middle of the great hall

38.–No matter how fun it is

39.I will not go bungee jumping off the astronomy tower

40.I will not start a flash mob in the Gryffindor common room

41.I will not tell everyone I know how to use the killing curse, just to empty the library less than ten seconds

42.I will not make Ron and Harry dress up as Hawaiian Hula girls

43.I will not write on Fred's tombstone 'Sorry girls, guess you'll have to settle on George'

44.I will not make exploding snap more 'interesting', and then blow up half the common room and after that I will not ask for a new set of cards

45. Teaching Hagrid how to belly dance is not a good idea

46.I will not invite Lord Voldemort and Harry to a 'social gathering' then try to make them sort out there 'differences'

47.I will not sing 'everybody's nerves' during exams

48. I will do insult Colin Creevey, who died fighting in the war, so he must have done something good besides stalking Harry

49.I will not ask anyone to 'teach me how to Dobby'.

50.I will not tell Lord Voldemort that Cedric Diggory is alive and is pretending to be a sparkly vampire named Edward Cullen in Forks, Washington

51.I will not ask Harry why his parents didn't apparate out of the house

52.I will not ask professor Snape if we can take a field trip to Narnia

53. I will not trick Ron into using a felly tone

54.I will not trick Ron into jumping off the Hogwarts express while it's moving

55.I will not trick Ron into dying his hair blue

56.I will not trick Ron to play fetch with Fluffy, the three headed dog

57.I will not trick Ron, period

58.I will not blow up my aunt just because Harry did

59.I will not use the flying car for Quidditch instead of a broom

60.I will not use Oliver Wood crying because we lost a Quidditch game as blackmail

61.I will not use veelas as 'Ron bait'

62.I will not try to sell Harry on eBay

63.I will not use Fred and George's room as a haunted house, no matter how scary it is

64.I will not try to use Molly Wesley's yelling as a horror movie

65.I will not try to change the name Dumbledore's army to, A.W.A.W.W.T.H.T.M.O.M.A.W.T.K.V.(Awesome wizards and witches that hate the Ministry of magic and want to kill Voldemort)

66. Fred and George cannot read each other's minds

67.I will not trash the Gryffindor common room when McGonagall takes a day off

68.I will not throw Galleons in the air in the middle of class and start singing "billionaire"

69.I will not wear a bikini in the great hall and sing a love song to either McGonagall or Dumbledore because Fred and George dared me to. Or for any other reason. EVER.

70. Mad eye moody does not like to be described as "an old dude who scared the hell out of kids'

71.I will not try to grow a beard like Dumbledore's to look 'wise'.

72.–and even if I do grow a beard I will not challenge Dumbledore to a 'beard battle' to see who's is better

73.I will not arrange for 'Voldemort and the Death eaters' to perform at the Yule ball. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT.

74.I will not stay under water for an hour to see if I'm a demigod, like Percy Jackson.

75.I will not go around the school selling fake Harry potter scars.

76.I will not use Ginny's bat eye bogey hexes as threats for example: "be quiet before I call Ginny!" "Go away before I tell Ginny" or "You better hope I don't tell Ginny!"

77.I will not send Voldemort hate mail.

78. I will not tell Bellatrix Lestrange that she needs to improve on her evil laugh.

79.I will not tell Professor Trelawney that she is the chosen one and she will defeat Voldemort, just to get a better mark in Divination.

80.I will not kidnap Percy, bring him to St. Mungo's and ask for a refund.

81.I will also not try to feed Percy to the giant squid.

82.I will not use Harry as 'Ginny bait'

83.I will not ask Draco Malfoy if the term 'mudblood' means that his blood is cleaner, or if it means that muggle borns have mud in their veins, because if that is true they should be dead by now

84.I will not start a betting pool on if 'Harry's real father is Voldemort' or 'McGonagall and Dumbledore are secretly dating' or 'Snape is an alien because no human can be that annoying'

85.I will not send Voldemort a nose

86.I will not go 'mattress surfing' on the staircase

87.I will not trap Voldemort and Harry in an elevator

88.I will not set the great hall on fire with a curling iron and say 'I was just experimenting the curling iron is _evil' _

89.I will not try to transfigure my owl into Obama

90.I will not go to Voldemort and say 'HAHA! I HAVE A SOUL AND YOU DON'T! HAHAHA!'

91. Santa is not a 'creepy old guy that stalks you', I will not say that during Muggle Studies

92.I will not name the vein on McGonagall's forehead 'Vinny'

93.I will not read 'Hogwarts a history' during the tri wizard tournament

94.I will not try and guess how old Dumbledore is

95.I will not buy an alarm clock for Quidditch when I already have Oliver Wood

96.I will not sell Harry life insurance

97.I will not hold a Séance to bring back the Marauders

98. Lupin does not like to be referred as a 'freakin awesome werewolf'

99.I will not invite Voldemort, Dumbledore, and Hagrid for 'girls night'

100. I will not take this list as a challenge and complete them all


End file.
